Probably best to start at the beginning with this blog.
I’ve always known I wanted a family and children, and being gay certainly wasn’t going to stop me. Eight years ago I was inspired by a documentary called Two Men and A Baby, and after I saw it, I knew that “everything would be ok”. I didn’t know exactly how I’d have children, but I knew it is possible with thanks to some of the great people who were pushing the boundaries before me. Standing on the shoulders of giants, and all that stuff …
I met my partner a couple years later and six years later we’re Livin’ La Vida Domestica in suburban Melbourne. Thankfully, we both see things the same way when it comes to kids; we would love to raise a couple whipper snappers.
I mention this because not everyone feels this way, especially in the gay community. In fact, I’d probably know as many guys who don’t want kids as those who do. I’m not sure exactly why that is, but I have a feeling it’s a combination of a few things.
1. There’s no societal pressure to have kids when you’re gay, so people don’t have them because they don’t feel ‘obliged’ to. This is great, cos the last thing you want is children that should be loved more, whether in a gay or a straight family.
2. Historically, having kids hasn’t been an option for gay guys, so many of us just shut the idea out of our head at a very young age. When you come to grips with being gay, it used to mean you came to grips with no having kids. Just because gay guys can have kids now doesn’t mean that they want to in the same way that many guys won’t get married, even is they can. My hunch is that the teenagers of today who are coming out will have a different ‘mental model’ and will see the world through a different lens which CAN include them having kids if they want.
3. I have a feeling guys don’t have the same maternal feelings that woman do. Controversial and probably sexist I know, but I’d bet there are many straight guys who have had kids for their wife, and would feel ambivalent about having them themselves. Put two guys together and sometimes you won’t always end up with either of them feeling clucky.
So fast forward a few years and here we are, both ready to take the plunge.